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Don't know how to talk to your partner? Having difficulty improving sex because of relationship issues? Not in a relationship and too embarrassed about your problems to find one? Need help with the social skills or sexual skills needed for a good relationship? Want to know what a sex therapist would advise about your particular concerns before you consult someone? If you are self-conscious about your worries and want to find out if the sort of approaches on offer are right for you, consider emailing your specific sexual questions now! You can become a better lover, or learn how to express the sexy, sensual side of yourself you've always wanted to explore. You can find out what makes you tick sexually and communicate with your partner to experience the sexual pleasure you dream of. You can learn to relax and let go of hang-ups. You can deepen your emotional connection and explore new dimensions of love-making. Example of agony aunt style of email question and answer QUERYI have only tried to have sex once and there was a bit too much alcohol involved. But although he tried to enter me he just couldn't! I was too embarrassed to speak to him afterwards, but now I am scared that I might have a problem, and it's put me off the thought of trying again. I'm 20 and I'm from a traditional Asian family. ANSWER It's a shame that your first experience has left you confused and unconfident. The most important thing for the next time you want to be sexual, is to make sure you feel comfortable and relaxed with your partner and especially that you take your time, so that any feelings of anxiety can be dealt with by both you and your partner. It helps if you feel close to the person and find it easy to talk to them, so that you can talk about sex while you're being sexual. Either of you may or may not have had a sexual problem; if your partner was also effected by alcohol, his own sexual feelings and his erection might have been reduced by the effects of the alcohol. It might have made him feel out of touch with his body and not able to read your body signals. If it was not an ideal situation, you might not have been very aroused and so your body wasn't ready to have intercourse! Most women need quite a lot of sensual and sexual play to feel ready for sex - 20 minutes is a minimum period of time often cited, and even more when you're new to sex. So don't assume that you have a sexual problem - it's most likely that the situation was all wrong, and things will go better next time round when you really want to be sexual with your partner. Can I suggest that you don't rush to have intercourse too quickly next time, which you might be tempted to do if you want to prove there's nothing wrong. Sometimes, particularly if you come from a traditional or religious background, where pre-marital sex - or any kind of sex - is considered shameful, these attitudes can affect how your body functions. Occasionally the muscles around the entrance to your vagina tense up every time you have intercourse and block anything from entering. The easiest way to tell if this is the case, is if you also have trouble getting a tampon inside during your period. In this case you may have vaginismus, and you will need to work on relaxing these muscles in a sexual context for a while before you try to have intercourse. You can work on this with your partner when you start a sexual relationhsip, or even better you can work on this problem on your own with the use of vaginal dilators and a programme of relaxation exercses. A sex therapist will be abe to help you go through the programme. It is easy to do, and quite successful at dealing with vaginismus. You can use SEXUAL SOLUTIONS email sex therapy service just once or you can opt for a short series of email consultations. Each reply is written individually for your partcular query. However, if you have a number of issues you need to discuss in depth, you will need to book an inidivdual consultation intensive. It costs just £27 to send an Email request with a query about your sexual and relatrionship issue. You can pay by the secure site Paypal for each specific email reply that you need. Click on the PAY NOW BUTTON to book for one email question and answer at £27, For email consultations send your email to admin@couplesextherapy.info CASSANDRA LORIUS MA, LCH, RSHom, PGDip Cassandra Lorius has worked in holistic health field for over 25 years and completed an MA on Sex Therapy in the UK in 1990. She trained with the Coaching Academy and then went on to receive a post graduate diploma in Sexual and Relationship Psychotherapy from Porterbrook (NHS) Clinic in Sheffield, a BASRT recognised training centre. Cassandra Lorius has written 4 best selling books on sex, including 7 Steps to the Best Sex of your Life. Cassandra is available for individual or couple consultations, in North London, by telephone, or on-line via Skype. |